Menny a book has bin writ, which proved tu be an obituara notis ov the author. A ded traitor makes a sweete korps. That, some peoples are fond ov bragging about their ansesstors, and their grate descent, when in fack. What a sarkasm it is tew a ded man’s memory, tew ask ” how much munny he left? Bekauze sum peopil are slaves tu fashun only proves its power, and yu will find that thoze who are its slayes are ginerally free from moste ov the big sins that humin natur iz sub- jec tu. Theze are mi views about cats, rather hastily hove together, and if i haint said enuff agin them it iz onla bekause i lack the informashun. Retrieved from ” https:
That, menny will fale tew be saved simpla be- kause tha haint got ennything tew saive. I knu he wast a husband jist got back from a bizzness tower, bi hiz haste. It is like ile on a side hill. Theze are mi views about cats, rather hastily hove together, and if i haint said enuff agin them it iz onla bekause i lack the informashun. Search the history of over billion web pages on the Internet.
If yu never hav red Robert Burns, yu will be suprised to larn that his style verry mutch resembles yures. The prinsipel amuzements ov the plase are pitching cents, and walking a mile and a half, back into the kuntry, tew see a liberty pole, Thare iz one custom thare that mite be altered, if it couldn’t be improved, and that iz awl the niggers seem tew hav bin born for the express purpiss ov standing around when a guest leaves, with evry fea- ture in their fase resembling a 25 cent shinplaster in distress, and even the Landlord’s look, and act az tho you waz going oph, without paying them awl the munny yu had.
Tha never hav no dissease that a good club wont heal. The shanghi ruseter is a gentile, and speaks in a forrin tung. I think the fools do more hurt in this world than the raskals. What do i care about the rendering, if i don’t git a piece ov the pie?
Man iz the problem, God iz the solution.
The boss leads tew the haf mild pole in 2: Yung man, yu kan rely upon Josh Billings, and if yu kant make these rules wurk jist send for him and he will sho yu how the thing is did, and it shant kost yu a cent. He is like a seckund mul bull tarrier, alwus a fiteing,’and alwus gitting licked. Mudturkles liv in a shell, which tha git verry rnutch attached to. I think this dog iz jist what yu are looking for ; i offered thirty-seven dollars for him, if the owner wud heave in muls vial ov fits medisin.
After i had got the full size of the sarkumstanses in the kase, i kum tu one of the brisk konklusions that the Billings family are subject tu, by hintin in oktave, ” that the kolporter was a dam hiperkrit, and his spavined hoss a dam old pelter.
Gravity is very often mistakin for wisdum, but thare is as much differ as thare is between a gide board and the man who maid it. The room waz full ov yels, and skreams.
The Star Spangled Widder iz yung, ornamental, and a fule. Thare is bollings time when awl men are cornparitiffly pure, and that is when ,ule are in luv. The tru way that manifess destiny had better be sot down iz, the exact distance that a frog kan jump down hill with a striped snake after him ; i dont kno but i may be wrong onst more, but if the frog don’t git ketcthed the destiny iz jist what he iz a looking for.
Under the pseudonym “Josh Billings” he wrote in an informal voice full of the slang of the day, with often eccentric phonetic spellingdispensing wit and folksy common-sense wisdom. Wil appear jist az soon az the hurrykane softens down a little. And when i reflek for a minnit, that tha are tew work for nothing, and find themselfs, and that ayung heathin stans reddy yelping around the corner, for the very shirt tha are wurking on, it duz seem tu me, that i cud shout hozzanner for 3 weeks’ on a strech.
We awl know the wa back tew the kradle ov Eden.
The Complete Works of Josh Billings by Josh Billings
Majer Spenser had kule ov ab- scense from his regiment, aiid was glad enuff, i tell yu, tew swap the pesky air ov the suthern konfederasy for the brittle breth ov Onn England. Josh Billings being duly sworn deposes as followsThat, John Brown haz halted a fu days for re- freshment. But kissing is a good deal like eating ; thare is not much fun when a person iz hungry in standing by, and see it did bi anuther fellow, if it iz did ever so well.
The life of a fairy is not, however, all merriment.
Josh Billings the Comedian, biography, facts and quotes
Enter a lap dorg, carrying a board- ing skool miss in his arms, about 16 hands high it makes the dorg puff the dorg lays down the boarding skool miss, and orders mint juleks for 2, with the usual suckshun.
Tha luv cream, but it seems tew be agin their re tig- gun tew tutch soap. He called me geritla with his hand i went slola and sadla tu him, he calmed mi feres, he ced it was a essay ; i saw the cussed thing, he ced sup- per was reddy, he axed me if i would hav black or green tea and i ced i would.
The Coach dog iz one ov the moste usefullest ov dogs i kno ov, but yu hav got to hav a coach, and that aint alwus pleasant or yu kant realize from the dog.
Full text of “Josh Billings, hiz sayings”
Nobody iz tu blame for old fashuns. We dont question a persons rite tew be a fule, but if he klaims billinbs, we kompare it with our Not one man in a thousand iz known while living, yet awl expeck tew be well remembered, when tha are ded. Tha go slola bak tew the distanse pole, and cum up agin tew the skore, az tho tha waz yoked together. A man who haintgot propper disiplin, iz jist about ov az mutch uze tew hiz fellovr critters az a wether cock wud be amung a parcil ov barnyard pulletts.
It strains a man’s philosophee the wust kind tew laff when he gits beat. Them that sett the fashun, aught tu be vartuous and big minded, bekauze hillings morals ov a people are just about az mutch inflooensed by fashun az tha are by religun. Don’t court for munny, norbuty, nor relashuns, theze things are jist about az onsartin as the kerosene ile refining bissness, liabel tew git out ov repair and bust at en- ny minnit.